Thursday, September 25, 2003

This Thing Called Love

In response to recent posts about love, Gina posts eloquently and sincerely about her soul mate, leading me to feel like the most cynical of old married ladies.

Do the realities of day to day life chip away at our grand passions? Or do they pull us closer together? I suppose for most couples, both answers are true. In the 15 years Adam and I have been together, our emotions have ebbed and flowed - sometimes we're so close it feels like we're living in each other's skin and other times we walk that very fine line that separates love and hatred. I can honestly say that I've never wanted to divorce him - kill him maybe - but never walk out on our partnership.

Our culture fetishizes new relationships and courtship to such a degree that many people have become serial monogomists, constantly seeking to recreate the thrill of new love with a new partner. Is it possible to sustain the intensity of new love over the long haul? I think it is, but only intermittently. Adam and I have developed a finely tuned banter - something like Nick and Nora Charles with the gloves off - in which to conduct our day to day lives. This snarky tone serves as a bandaid for the more intense side of our relationship. Living with all that emotion hanging out would be, for me, like walking around naked. And I'm not sure I could function in the real world for long in my all-consuming crush mode - it's a lovely, manic place, but after a while you have to get out of bed and go to work, and pay the bills instead of buying champagne. Luckily, the passion is still there, and ever so often something entirely unexpected will happen and I'll find myself having an intense fling with my own husband. I'm not sure if it's a "great love story" but it works for us. . . .


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