Saturday, June 28, 2003

The "Drop My Basket" Index

Introducing a new feature, named for Vivi's horrifying breakdown in The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. The following factors are used to calculate the index (today's values included):

Add:
1 point for each hour of sleep lost per family member the previous night – 4
1 point for each missed nap - 1
1 point for each towel used to clean up wet messes on floor – 5
3 points for each deliberate, gratuitous mess (i.e. throwing yogurt into the ceiling fan or spreading caramel dip on the cat) – 3
2 points for each body fluid related mess – 2
1 point for each extra bath required due to messes of any kind – 1
5 points for each broken / damaged object (add 20 points if object is irreplaceable) – 0
1 point for each chore completed, only to be undone by children - 1
2 points for each frustrating, pointless power struggle - 10
1 point for each errand or required outing (add additional ½ a point for each child who accompanies you on each outing) – 1
1 point for each minor injury – 0
10 points for every emergency room visit - 0
2 points for every sick family member (add 5 more if all are sick) – 0
5 points for every project attempted while children “entertain themselves” - 0
15 points if one parent is away for the majority of the day - 0
Extra points as necessary for unexpected, stressful circumstances – 5 for broken air conditioner, 3 for the $300 it took to fix it
Subtract:
2.5 points for every enjoyable family activity or outing - 0
5 points for every enjoyable adult activity or outing – 0
2 points for each instance of unbelievably cute, helpful or bright behavior – 4
2 points for every extra hour of adult sleep - 0
1 point for every extra hour of child sleep – 0
5 points for each relaxing treat (i.e. massage, good quality chocolate, vodka tonic with extra lime) - 0
10 points for every book / movie / tv show / commercial inspired realization of how blessed you are to have children – 0
Extra points as necessary for extraordinary, heartbusting, pride inducing behavior – 0

Today's Drop My Basket Index: 32

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