Monday, May 12, 2003

Advice My Mother Gave Me (most of which turned out to be absolutely true)

Put on some lipstick, you'll feel better.
Drink a coke, you'll feel better.
A sinkful of dirty dishes makes the whole house look dirty.
Make your bed first thing in the morning and you'll have already accomplished something.
People judge you based on your appearance - it's not fair, but you should take it into account.
Don't forget to take your pill! (My mother's "sex talk" on my wedding night.)
Silk flowers are tacky. If you have silk flowers at my funeral, I'll come back and haunt you.
Never wear white shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.
Don't buy white underwear and bras - they show every little stain, and they show up under your clothes. Buy flesh toned ones instead.
If you don't have some food leftover, how do you know you had enough?
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Get your hair out of your eyes - you have such a pretty face, when we can see it.
Your shoes, your hose and the hem of your dress should match in tone or intensity of color - it makes your legs look longer.
Never wear horizontal stripes - it cuts you in half and makes you look shorter.
You can't make a child eat, sleep or go to the bathroom.
Never order something at a restaurant that you make at home - it won't be as good.
If you've got it, flaunt it!

Don't you hate it when she's right? Happy late Mother's Day.

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